Why it is Difficult to be Conscious

I've been practicing mindfulness for more than twenty years. You would think twenty years of practice would make it easier to live consciously. Yet, both personally and as a professional working with others, I find that living consciously is a daily challenge. First, let me define in my own simple way what it means to live consciously, then explain why it's a challenge and finally, why people still pursue this path despite all the challenges.

For me, living consciously means being continuously aware of what is happening in and around me. Throughout the day, I am checking in with myself as often as I can remind myself to see what it is I am thinking about, how I am feeling, what I am needing or wanting, what I am daydreaming or fantasizing about, and if I am reacting or responding to my inner and outer world. But it does't stop there; Living consciously also means being aware of my external environment, or checking in to see what is happening in my immediate environment. That includes, checking to see what kind and quality of interactions I am having with my surroundings, how I feel in relation to my environment, and if I am reacting or interacting with my environment. As you can see, living consciously is work!

It is a challenge to live consciously because essentially you can no longer live on automatic pilot. You can't just get up in the morning, get dressed, eat breakfast and like a zombie go through the rest of your day. You become unable to just interact with your family or loved ones without thinking about the quality or depth of the relationship. You can't just attend church, temple or mosque without questioning your values and what these religious teachings mean. You can't just sit in front T.V. or play video games, drink, eat, have sex and continue to feel good inside. You can't just exist. Once you are conscious, you can't go through the day watching homeless people sleeping on the streets, see racism, sexism, misogyny, homophobia, human rights and animal rights violation and just blink and keep going on with your day. You can't learn that children here in the United States are being violated, mistreated or used for sexual trafficking and just shrug it away. You just can't! There comes a point when you just can't go on not caring. That's why living consciously is hard!

But the darn thing is that once you become conscious, you can't go back to living unconsciously even if you try really hard. Some days you wake up thinking, "I really don't want to care today. I really don't want to "see" the misery today. I just rather go about my business thinking about my next meal or what I am going to wear to tonight's party." But, fortunately, you can't. Because living consciously is like having tasted ice cream for the first time. Once you taste it, you can't go back to undoing the knowing of how good it tastes. Once you have lived with awareness, and your soul has touched the soul of the world, and you have come alive feeling the vitality and intensity of living life fully, that knowing can not be undone. Even if that aliveness means being in touch with the depths of suffering and pain, you still can't go back to not feeling it. Because if you don't feel the depths of pain and suffering, you can't feel the depths of joy and love either. Living unconsciously is living on auto pilot or going through life not connected to anything or anyone. Basically, feeling numb to everything.

Having lived consciously, you recognize that the pain of being numb is far worse than the challenge of living consciously. That is why most people who live consciously choose to sit with the suffering and pain, rather than the numbness. But people who live consciously, also know that suffering and pain go hand in hand with experiencing love and joy too. It goes without saying, once you have arrived, there is no turning back. Once you begin to care, you are compelled to make a difference. Once you see what is not working in your life, you are compelled to make changes. Whether you make a difference in your own life or in the life of others, change for a better life becomes mandatory almost compulsory. You come out of your complacency and apathy and you get going. When you get going, you are unstoppable and people know it's futile to try and change your mind or stop you. You are no longer operating on auto pilot. Instead, an incredible life force and energy has taken over the driver's seat of your life. That's when you begin to feel energized and a profound sense of joy and well being exudes in your life. Life starts to become exhilarating and intense. You realize you can no longer waste time because life is too short and too precious and you have to make the most of it while you are here. Regardless of how challenging it can get, once you have fully experienced living consciously there is no turning back.

Ellie Zarrabian, Ph.D.
Conscious Living Practitioner and Counselor
www.centeronpeace.com
www.centerpeaceproject.com

“Look into your own eye, and make no mistake,

So that essence of seer and seen become one.

On whatever side you gaze, you shall see my form,

Whether you gaze upon self, or the mass that is visible.

Shun distorted vision and heal your sight,

For the evil eye will be distant from my beauty in that moment.

Beware, lest in error you see me in human form,

For the spirit is extremely subtle, Love is jealous.

What room is there for form, if what is felt extends beyond?

The soul's mirror reflects light that illuminates the world.”

(Rumi's Divan of Shams of Tabriz--A new interpretation by

James Cowan. Element Classics of World Spirituality, P.101)

If you are familiar with the works of Molana Jalaluddin Rumi, and revere him for the beautiful poetry he has written about and dedicated to his teacher and beloved master, Shams of Tabriz, then you are in the right place...read on!

  Through out most of his adult life, Rumi wrote approximately 3,500 odes and 2,000 quatrains about love.  Basically, from the time he met Shams and was touched by his presence, he dedicated the rest of his life to writing and teaching about love.

         

Rumi not only knew and wrote about love, he experienced it so profoundly that he believed this burning rapture would eventually consume him and make him vanish from this world. Those of us who are also preoccupied with the idea or the experience of love go through life having a certain concept of it. Many of us search for it and never seem to find it. Some find it only to watch it flee from them. Others choose to only contemplate and dream about it because they believe it is not a tangible object to have or to hold. But was this magnificent out pour of love purely for another individual, namely his teacher, or was there something else happening within Rumi?

         

In most of his teachings, Rumi discusses the love between the Lover and the Beloved and the unification of the two. He has dedicated most of his poetry describing the journey these two take in order to find one another and the final out pour of love that flows and flourishes once these two unite. There is countless number of references to either the Lover seeking the Beloved or the Beloved seeking the Lover and when the two unite, there is ultimate oneness, and completion of being.

         

While this dance between the Lover and the Beloved is more directed at the union of spirit and matter, it can also be felt between two individuals. For Rumi, Shams was the catalyst responsible for taking Rumi to the depths of his heart and enabling him to discover God or the Divine within himself.

         

Many of us have the false notion that this kind of love is to be found only between two individuals. There fore, we often spend most of our life time being fixated on finding it in someone else and often think that we failed if we did not encounter it along our life journey. This type of love is referred to as "romantic love," where as the more rapturous and intoxicating love is what Rumi referred to as "Divine Love."

         

Divine Love is created through the process of Alchemy. Alchemy dates back to ancient times. It was a science of turning base materials such as lead and copper into more precious substances such as gold and silver. Rumi and other Sufi masters would apply this science to the purification of their own heart and mind. They would spend years studying, praying and meditating with a teacher or a master who would gradually teach them how to turn all their basic human emotions, such as, bitterness, hatred, jealousy, pain and suffering into more pure and refined states or (Haal). The natural outcome of this work would be the kind of ecstatic or intoxicating love Rumi and other masters experienced.

         

While "romantic love" is usually short lived and is always dependent on another individual to provide the feelings within us, "Divine Love," is felt from within the self. It is experienced at any time regardless of one’s outward circumstances in life. In other words, even during the most difficult or trying times, one can be in touch with this inner joy. At the same time, however, once this "Divine Love" is obtained and the individual has become more whole, the chances of creating a more loving and healthy relationship with another person becomes even more likely.  

My blog posts are going to address this process of alchemy to finding inner love that may also translate to outer or romantic love. I feel that there are so many misconceptions about what makes relationships thrive these days that people are often so lost. When they find their way to me, there is a deep sadness that people talk about when addressing their inability to find true love. 

I am dedicating these blogs to all of you out there in search of love. It is my hope to inspire you to find the alchemist within you, who will become the director in helping you find your Shams in this lifetime. 

Ellie Zarrabian, Ph.D.

Founder and Spiritual Director
www.centeronpeace.com
www.centerpeaceproject.com